My child hates losing! - How to face loses in games.

Winning and losing appear as a simple fact. Yet, even we adults get furious over a losing bet, let alone children. Thus, it is important to learn about them from a young age. After all, life is not all about winning. This is what makes life so interesting and rewarding.

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Here are few steps to get prepared:

1. Experiment failure

Unless you already know that your child always ends up in despair, having tantrums when losing, try playing a simple game with your child and wait until they lose.

How do they react? Shout? Stay composed and try again? Do they cheat?

According to a study, losing a game teaches children empathy and ways to cope with failures.

2. Modelling

This is the most important stage, showing them it is okay to lose.

Play the game again. But this time, experience losing in front of them, and show them how we should react: staying calm, 'Oh no! I lost! You won! (a sign of unhappy face).','But that is okay, we will play again and I will win next time.'

Here we are acknowledging who has won and lost, next showing them losing is okay.

Most likely, they will feel confused, overwhelmed, and learn from your reaction.

3. Practice!

In this stage, should your child has had a bad experience with the previous game, it is better off to introduce them to a new game.

if they are throwing another tantrum, imitate them throw things but just make sure not to get over the top. The point here is to act as a mirror and show them how they actually look like.

And until next time, continue modeling losing in front of our children.

Right after modeling how you confront failure, continue playing until your child loses in one round, and observe. Lastly, practice makes perfect so put your child in the place of losing.

Final tip: it is recommended to use games that are predictable so you can indirectly control who wins or lose. At least when you are at the initial stage of teaching.

Note that this method is not backed by researches, this is how I cope with children's tantrums. But it does not hurt to try. After all, each child is different, one thing works for one may not work for the other.

What we want from these practices is to teach them ways to cope with failure, the emotional and physical responses. This can be especially vital to children with aggressive behaviours and short temperament. Yes, we can and should learn from our mistakes from winning as well.

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Hope you find this useful. And please let me know if you have any tried this 3 step method. What are your thoughts? Does it work, or not work?

Have a great day and don't forget to smile!

Joyce Lau