My child does not pay attention to me!

4 tips on developing shared attention with your child.

Photo: Alexander Dummer

Welcome to my first blog! Some child especially younger ones who are still at their developing stage, seem so distant, do not look, talk. This can be normal yet frustrating as you just cannot ask and tell them to 'Focus on me!'

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1. Follow the child's lead

This is especially important for younger kiddos(0-36 months) as they still sorting out how to create meaningful speech and developing their ability to do that. Parents play a fundamental part- encourage speech production. Just like when adults learn a language, common suggestions are watching videos that you enjoy, etc, following your interest is extremely effective in increasing exposure. Everyone enjoys doing what they like. Discovering your child's interests and incorporating them into learning is shown to increase spoken vocabulary among children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) (McDuffie, Yoder, and Stone,2006) and it is both effective when delivered by clinicians or parents. (McDuffie and Yoder, 2010)

HOW: Let your child do what they enjoy! (I’m not saying playing with fire or any harmful things!) If they want to reach for the ball, use the ball as a tool to facilitate communication! Such as ‘’That is a ball’, or ‘ a ball’ if they are learning single words.

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2. Imitate their behaviours

Imitation of children’s speech increases engagement in conversation among kids. Again, this is especially important for 0-36 months old children who are yet to develop meaningful speech. Imitating their babbling talk, e.g. baba, encourages their production of speech and facilitates language development. It is shown that adult vocal imitation results in the increasing frequency of imitation by typical babies. (Clarke-Stewart, 1973; Poehlmann & Fiese, 2001; Suskind, 2015). And this is equally beneficial for children with developmental mental disabilities (Gazdag and Warren , 2000 and Lorah, An, Grinley, Kunnath, & et al., 2014).

HOW: literally imitate what they say! Whether it is a simple sound or a word, do it and they will be motivated to imitate back! If they do not, add something interesting to what they are doing such as adding a new character into the activity you are imitating from them. they will get interested by it and start paying attention on what you are doing.

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3. Listen

This is crucially important. Don’t do anything but stay focus. If you are focused, the children would be happy to share their stories and stay engaged in the activity in 2-way communication. It shows that you understand and are there with them. Just think: how would you feel if the person you are being with puts attention on you with eye contact and really shut their mouth and listen? And so is this important among everyday life communication. As Celestee Headlee in her Tedtalk ’10 ways to have a better conversation’ said,

If you are not paying attention, you are not in a conversation

How: If they want to say, let them say! And as they speak, do nothing, keep your mouth shut and listen.

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4. Reinforcement

Who doesn’t love a little treat after hard work? From positive reinforcers like praise to a negative reinforcer like telling them they are wrong can be motivated. The latter is especially useful for competitive kids and this helps distinguishing right and wrong answers and thus increases their chance of success in the long term.

HOW: provide reinforcements regularly. That can be during or at the end of an activity a kid can get a token if they get a correct answer, and if incorrect, will be given why and how they are wrong. Don’t forget! Create reinforcers based on your child’s interests as that gives a reason for them to continue and strive. Read more about reinforcement in my later blog.

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Hope you find them useful and please leave a comment if you have tried any of these tricks.

Have a great day and don't forget to smile!

Joyce Lau